As Christians, we say that we are truly free. We claim that in Christ, our sins are forgiven, death no longer has dominion over us, and we are moved from a realm of captivity into a place of utter freedom, living exclusively under the rule of our Lord Jesus Christ. Those who do not profess any kind of belief in God wonder at how we might claim to be free when we have so many rules to follow and duties that come with being Christian. This, of course, is the great paradox: by submitting ourselves to the Lordship of Christ, we are truly and mysteriously free.
This is especially apparent to me when I consider the life of prayer. Prayer, on the surface, seems like one more thing to do. To some extent, this is exactly right. To be a good Christian and to be faithful, we must take some action. We have to do things. We have to make time to say our prayers. We have to make the effort to go to church. We have to take steps to care for our neighbor. These all require effort, and it’s hard work. But after we take that initial step, moving past “I don’t feel like it,” we then find that we are utterly free.
In prayer, I’m reminded that although I have shown up to pray and made the effort to be present to God, that is all I have had to do and that is all I can do. It is then God who acts. Prayer is really about how we let God shape us; it’s less about what we do, aside from showing up to pray. St. Paul’s words in the Letter to the Romans are encouraging when we have no words to pray: “the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words” (Romans 8:26). What is more freeing than that?
What is more freeing than to show up at particular hours of the day to be with God and let the Holy Spirit pray within us? What is more freeing than to show up for Mass, even if we are feeling apathetic, depressed, or spiritually arid, and yet know that the power of prayer is not dependent on our feelings? What is more freeing than to know that to receive the fruit of prayer we don’t have to have the right words or the latest novel way of praying or the right frame of mind? We don’t have to check boxes or get everything exactly right. Showing up is what’s important. Prayer, quite apart from what we usually imagine, is not so much about how we feel. Prayer is an action and an effort of the heart. All we need to do to pray is be present with and to God and let the Spirit pray within us. This is not, of course, to say that feelings and emotions aren’t important. They can be wonderful gifts from God in our prayer lives. It’s simply to say that prayer is frequently quite effective even when we feel nothing.
If you ask me, this is utter freedom. In a world that always demands more and more of us, that measures our success by how innovative we are, prayer is simple, perhaps mechanical at times, and it might even seem boring. But it doesn’t matter: it’s what we do. That’s why the modern sentiment and acceptable excuse “I don’t feel like it” is irrelevant (and perhaps disastrous) to a life of prayer. All God needs is our presence and our hearts for prayer to bear fruit in the world. It ultimately doesn’t matter how we feel.
And this is why day after day, the doors at Good Shepherd are open for prayer. It doesn’t matter if it’s one officiant leading the Daily Office and livestreaming to the internet. It doesn’t matter if only two show up for Mass. It doesn’t matter how tired we are when we show up or if the Scripture readings for the day speak in any way to us. Something ineffable is happening in the life of God to us, probably most acutely when we are unaware of it. Whether it’s twenty or sixty people in the pews, prayer happens and is efficacious because God is God and because people show up to make themselves available to God. The lifeblood of our parish church, and of every Christian church, is this constant, dependable, rhythmic, unchanging commitment to prayer.
Maybe the most freeing thing of all is that we don’t need to feel differently after prayer. We most likely will not be aware of an immediate change in ourselves or a sudden burst of inspiration right after praying. But what we will find is that at some point, when we least expect it, the fruit of some arid period of prayer weeks before will suddenly be made known. This is beyond our control, and this is marvelously freeing. This thing we call prayer is about our showing up and leaving the rest to God. And what good news that is!
Yours in Christ,
Father Kyle