It’s what you say when a man in his thirties dies of a gunshot wound on the trauma room table, when the doctors have left the room and you’re alone with the family and they ask why it happened. It’s what you say when the person who can’t afford to stay in her home because of rent increases ask you what she can do to find a new one in an economy that doesn’t care for the poor. It’s what you say when someone who doesn’t go to church asks you how those who do go to church still be so unforgiving. It’s what you say when an antagonist of religion asks you to explain where God was in the Holocaust or 9/11 or the tsunami in Japan. I don’t know.
It’s the answer that’s either evasive or the most truthful thing one can say. Oddly, this simple statement, I don’t know, is sometimes the most appropriate response to the most complicated and vexing questions of life. I don’t know is what we’d rather not say, because it requires humility and shows the limits of our humanity. I don’t know flies in the face of our modern propensity to find easy answers to complex problems. I don’t know seems to suggest we are ignorant, lazy, or letting ourselves off the hook from trying to figure things out. I don’t know is what the man born blind is not afraid to say.
Did you catch that? When everyone presses him to give them the answers they want to hear, he just says I don’t know. If it isn’t enough that this man has never had the gift of physical sight until Jesus lays hands on him and that he has had to beg for much of his life, he is bandied about from person to person to justify their contentions with Jesus.
Most people in this story want to be able to explain things satisfactorily. It begins with Jesus’s own disciples, who assume that the man’s blindness must be the result of either his sin or his parents’ sin. We’ve all heard it before, haven’t we? The hurricane ravaged New Orleans because its people were immoral. AIDS is a punishment for those who are sexually aberrant. The fall of Jerusalem was because of the disobedience of God’s people.
But thankfully, Jesus doesn’t answer the question put to him by his disciples. He categorically dismisses an easy casual connection between sin and illness. His response is one more confounding statement with no clear explanation. Even God’s works can be wrought through the blindness of a man begging on the street.
When they recognize that this man is now able to see, and upon learning that the healing is because the man obeyed Jesus’s command, they want to know where Jesus is. I don’t know is what the man born blind says. It doesn’t seem to bother him. He doesn’t really know why Jesus wanted to heal him, or why Jesus then disappeared, or even how in the world his blindness was taken away. He doesn’t know any of that, but what he does know is that once he was blind, but now he can see. For him, that’s enough.
And how different this is from the others in the story whose I don’t knows lack any real integrity. The parents of the man who now sees rightly admit that they don’t know how he now sees, nor do they know who healed him, but they say I don’t know because they’re afraid. They’re afraid that if they connect the healing of their son to the Christ, they will be social pariahs. Their I don’t know is spineless and evasive.
And the I don’t know of Jesus’s opponents is made into an accusation against him. We don’t know where he comes from, and therefore, how do we know he’s not some troublemaking imposter? How do we know that God is really with him?
But ironically, the man who once was physically blind has the clearest spiritual sight. He can say in the same sentence I don’t know whether the man who healed me is a sinner or not, but what I do know is that once I was blind and now I see. It matters not to him that the man could be a sinner or that he can’t explain how he was healed. It only matters that he was healed. He was healed when he didn’t even ask for it. He must have known that there was some truth in what he didn’t know.
It’s said that the more we know, the more we understand what we don’t know. This may be true, but it also seems that the more we know, the less we are satisfied with what we don’t know, especially when it comes to God. These days, people seem more inclined to religion that will tell them everything, even when the teachers don’t really know all the answers. If we don’t know the answer, we make it up, telling ourselves that some answer is better than none. And even when someone is willing to admit that they don’t know something about God, they expect someone else to give them the answer. At various points in her history, the Church has tried to say too much about God, and at times, it has gone horribly wrong. Saying I don’t know has led people to the stake or caused them to be cast out or condemned as heretics. Intolerance for I don’t know has divided denominations and destroyed parishes, and it still does.
Where we see division among us, whether in the Church or in the world, it often occurs where a question meets a definitive answer. A question about whether something new can be done is met with a defensive response that it has and will always be done this way. A question about whether previously ostracized individuals can be welcomed as authentic members of a community of faith is greeted with the charge that God doesn’t listen to sinners. You see how it goes.
It doesn’t matter how many times we point to what God is doing among us, especially when it’s fresh, new, and surprising; there will always be others who don’t want to hear that truth. There will always be some who say, “don’t confuse me with the facts” because the facts don’t support their worldview.
The man who once was blind but now sees is proof that an honest I don’t know leads one to a lonely place, but it can also lead to the place of deepest truth. Perhaps this is part of what it means to bear our cross in Christian discipleship. Sometimes, we are only left holding a mystery that we can’t explain but which is truth itself. It’s the mystery that the wonders of God’s healing power can be seen in a man blind from birth and relegated to begging on the side of the street. It’s the mystery that even we who were formed from clay but have been misshapen by sin are loved enough to have our eyes anointed by Christ’s healing hand. It’s the mystery that God’s healing isn’t always as complicated as we imagine, and sometimes it’s as simple as heeding his command to go and wash and come back seeing. It’s the mystery that belief is not articulating tomes of doctrine or dogma but as simple as pointing to where the Holy Spirit is active in our lives, spectacular or unspectacular. It’s the mystery that when we think we see clearly, we might actually be blind, and when we are wandering in the darkness and are confused, perhaps we see most clearly. It’s the mystery that even in those we have always thought were sinners, perhaps God is manifesting himself. It’s the mystery that the light of truth often hurts because our eyes have gotten so used to the dark.
It takes the man born blind a while to know exactly who Jesus is. There’s so much he doesn’t know about Jesus, even after he confesses his belief. But what he doesn’t know doesn’t impede his belief, because the man who now sees is proof that the mark of a true believer is receiving truth, rather than creating or defending it.
It's a terribly lonely place, to sit and hold the mystery of God when we are assailed with requests to explain it. It’s a lonely place to point to what God has done in our lives when others think we’re foolish for wasting our time. It’s a lonely place to hold the mystery that God is doing remarkable things in a parish that is seeking to rebuild after so much trouble, even when others just see your challenges and problems. It’s a lonely place to say that you’ll never be 100% certain that God loves you for who you are when others call you a sinner and cast you out. It’s a lonely place to point to the ordinary evidence of God’s hand when others only see God’s absence.
But it’s to this lonely place that Jesus, the Good Shepherd always comes, just as he found the man born blind. The Good Shepherd will always find us when we have been cast out by others. In the face of mystery, to say I don’t know is the only thing we can say, and it’s the most honest. It’s the key that unlocks the door and lets the light and the truth in. And then we can say, Lord, I believe. There’s so much I don’t know, but I believe because you found me in my loneliness. This I do know, that when I was lost, you sought me out. When I was hurting, you comforted me. When I was confused, you guided me. Once I was blind to all this, but thank God, now I see.
Sermon by Father Kyle Babin
The Fourth Sunday in Lent
March 19, 2023